Archive for the Deep Thoughts Category

Embracing Womanhood

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Female, Feminine, Life, Rambings, thoughts, woman with tags , , , on August 14, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

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Embracing Womanhood
There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others-both male and female-she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.

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Defense Mechanism

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Rambings with tags , , on March 23, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

I’ve come across some people who have what I call the survivor instinct. People who, when things start looking bad, will throw everyone around them to the wolves to protect themselves. I’m not saying I could never do that. I’ve never been to the last pitch of desperation and it would be arrogant to predict how I’d behave when I was there. But I’ve certainly seen people respond to a threat with what seems to me a disproportionate selfishness. And I know that, in similar circumstances, I would have had continued to stay open, to value the needs of others as much as my own.

I’ve never had to develop this survivor instinct. And I like that about myself, but it’s also a vulnerability. Of course I have learnt to protect myself from people who are always selfish. But the people I’m vulnerable to are the survivors who seem perfectly compassionate and generous on the outside. For whom it’s only when the chips are down that this harsh streak suddenly takes over.

I’ve seen this in two people, both people who seemed extremely compassionate, caring and altruistic, on the surface. (I wonder to what extent this particularly active altruism is in some way a compensation for what lies below.) By a coincidence I’ve only just recognised, they both showed me this side in the space of a fortnight. Unsurprisingly, it was probably the most painful and difficult fortnight of my life – and even now, a year later, I find myself still learning lessons from dealing with the after-effects. I’ve never had to defend myself by attacking – so I was completely unprepared when these people I trusted and admired turned on me. I couldn’t understand why they suddenly behaved that way, and took it far too personally. It didn’t occur to me, at the time, that this was part of a defence mechanism, something driven by their feeling of being threatened rather than anything I’d done. I’m proud that I coped with that without hardening my own heart. I learnt to give myself a less damaging sort of protection – one that recognised just how little the way people relate to me can have to how I have behaved. One founded on knowing myself better. Quietly, but firmly – in a way that doesn’t need to impose that knowledge on others.

And now that I am aware of this survivor pattern, I think I’d find it far easier to recognise when people get into this mode – and protect myself straight away rather than having to come back and patch up the damage caused by taking these harsh words to heart. 

It seems to me that some people, during childhood, find themselves under such soul-destroying pressure that they have to protect themselves, at all costs. And once they’ve done this once, it becomes so much easier to do it again, even when the threat isn’t as great. Or maybe once you’ve been so deeply threatened, anything that threatens you even slightly feels just as dangerous as that childhood trauma – so you react the same way, even if the threat isn’t actually that great. I was lucky. I never needed to defend myself that way. And I hope I never will. But my heart is full of compassion for those who have.

A Part of My Heart

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Feelings, Life with tags , , on March 16, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

I realized I had not had any time alone in a great many days. I thought of the people that need me and in turn the ones I need, something that does not always go hand in hand. This is something I found out one June day but that is another post and another story. While I love my family and would do anything for them, clearly, my doubts and those little questions that keep popping up in my mind come from the knowledge that I know where I want to be, and that I probably will never be there. Such is life and the concessions we make. Perhaps I am wrong and perhaps this is all part of a journey that will lead me there, but I do not think so.

It may not be my purpose in this life to claim my hearts desire. It may be enough that I was shown what is there, a glimpse of what can be and occasional visits, if you will, from the shadows? On days like this I wonder how many lifetimes it may take me to find it again. The emotions of the heart are strong and I have seen how mine can travel, reminding me that those things I hold there, are not very far away after all.

The meaning of life is something most of us ponder from time to time. Perhaps it is just to live and take each day one by one, the good ones getting us through and reminding us why we are here. For now, I know why I am here, though I will always hear the whispers of another place, where a part of my heart calls my name.

My Place in the World

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Nights with tags , , on March 1, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

The snow started to fall very gently last night in huge, soft clumps. A couple of times I got up during the night to look out the window. It can be so mesmerizing, the dark trees silhouetted against the pale sky, the falling flakes illuminated under the street lights. It makes me feel meloncholy in a way, just looking out at my street, my place in the world. The beautiful world, if only in that peaceful moment.

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The Journey

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Poetry on January 28, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

For all the women in the world who imagine they need to save everyone else first:

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.