Archive for the Rambings Category

Embracing Womanhood

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Female, Feminine, Life, Rambings, thoughts, woman with tags , , , on August 14, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

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Embracing Womanhood
There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others-both male and female-she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.

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Wild Thoughts

Posted in Quotes, Rambings, thoughts with tags , , on August 5, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

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To return to our senses is to renew our bond with wider life, to feel the soil beneath the pavement, to sense — even when indoors — the moon’s gaze upon the roof.
David Abram, The Spell of the Sensuous

It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between.
Diane Ackerman
, A Natural History of the Senses

When we deliberately leave the safety of the shores of our lives, we surrender to a mystery beyond our intent.
Ann Linnea, Deep Passage

Posted in Rambings on August 4, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

waiting

The color of waiting is white.  It shows no pity to those who succumb and it wraps itself around you saying:  “Now you are mine for awhile.”  It fills your head with its dense cotton batting and settles in your abdomen where its presence makes itself known with an ever-growing sense of anxiety. 

Waiting is a white cotton sheet tacked over the window, sequestering you in your home and holding you hostage to its demands.  It sits, wedged next to you in your chair, radiating its alabaster coldness while erasing the words in your book.  It whispers, “You are not important” and makes you forget your name.   White noise clogs your ears and makes time stand still.   Minutes will seem like hours and days will feel like centuries.  It etches wrinkles in your face and changes the part in your hair.   It is the grayness of nothingness and of everything.

The color of waiting is a ghostly white specter floating above your head and through your body.   Its tendrils weave a web across your eyes until you can only focus inward, where it sits patiently, always present, always reminding you of who’s really in charge.   It creeps into your bed at night and startles you awake – an icy cold finger rearranging a jumbled dreamscape into its own name.   Its white-hot ember will light up the blackness and you will not sleep again tonight. 

Instead, you will wait.

You will wait and you will think only of waiting and you won’t stop, won’t stop, won’t stop, while your eyes film over with milky white cataracts and your nose fills with the acrid smell of self-loathing and your mouth tastes only regret.  

“You will wait now” it whispers, its departure time unknown.

Defense Mechanism

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Rambings with tags , , on March 23, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

I’ve come across some people who have what I call the survivor instinct. People who, when things start looking bad, will throw everyone around them to the wolves to protect themselves. I’m not saying I could never do that. I’ve never been to the last pitch of desperation and it would be arrogant to predict how I’d behave when I was there. But I’ve certainly seen people respond to a threat with what seems to me a disproportionate selfishness. And I know that, in similar circumstances, I would have had continued to stay open, to value the needs of others as much as my own.

I’ve never had to develop this survivor instinct. And I like that about myself, but it’s also a vulnerability. Of course I have learnt to protect myself from people who are always selfish. But the people I’m vulnerable to are the survivors who seem perfectly compassionate and generous on the outside. For whom it’s only when the chips are down that this harsh streak suddenly takes over.

I’ve seen this in two people, both people who seemed extremely compassionate, caring and altruistic, on the surface. (I wonder to what extent this particularly active altruism is in some way a compensation for what lies below.) By a coincidence I’ve only just recognised, they both showed me this side in the space of a fortnight. Unsurprisingly, it was probably the most painful and difficult fortnight of my life – and even now, a year later, I find myself still learning lessons from dealing with the after-effects. I’ve never had to defend myself by attacking – so I was completely unprepared when these people I trusted and admired turned on me. I couldn’t understand why they suddenly behaved that way, and took it far too personally. It didn’t occur to me, at the time, that this was part of a defence mechanism, something driven by their feeling of being threatened rather than anything I’d done. I’m proud that I coped with that without hardening my own heart. I learnt to give myself a less damaging sort of protection – one that recognised just how little the way people relate to me can have to how I have behaved. One founded on knowing myself better. Quietly, but firmly – in a way that doesn’t need to impose that knowledge on others.

And now that I am aware of this survivor pattern, I think I’d find it far easier to recognise when people get into this mode – and protect myself straight away rather than having to come back and patch up the damage caused by taking these harsh words to heart. 

It seems to me that some people, during childhood, find themselves under such soul-destroying pressure that they have to protect themselves, at all costs. And once they’ve done this once, it becomes so much easier to do it again, even when the threat isn’t as great. Or maybe once you’ve been so deeply threatened, anything that threatens you even slightly feels just as dangerous as that childhood trauma – so you react the same way, even if the threat isn’t actually that great. I was lucky. I never needed to defend myself that way. And I hope I never will. But my heart is full of compassion for those who have.

The Hours of Night

Posted in Moods, Nights, Rambings with tags , on February 24, 2009 by moragglimmerwitch

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It’s late evening and I’m waiting for the stillness of the night to sweep over my home. There is a voice calling me to the quiet hours and the side of me long neglected. I had almost forgotten who she was this person inside me. Listening to everyone else and facing down the issues of everyday life leaves one little time for listening for the things that come quietly. Often those things come in a passing moment, or in reflection on a day gone by, sometimes in dreams or in a quiet night sitting in the soft light of candles. Those times are spent speaking the words deepest in my soul, hidden from the day but whispered into the night. Tonight is such a night, the candles set, the space cleared but the spirit and soul pouring over with all that needs to be spoken. The hours of night are my own time, mystical and free, my time to be heard and to be answered, dark yet filled with light, quiet yet filled with words.